talking to you
by Josie Gibbons
Summary: sid talks to tony in the hospital in the period between season one and season two... more a character reflection with slight suggestion of sidxtony


Sid reflects while sitting in the hospital with Tony. Slight suggestion of Sid/Tony but nothing major. This is more just a friendship fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own skins.

I don't know why I'm still here Tony, and that's the honest truth. You're a complete cunt, you know that. But I still love you, and I'm still sitting beside you, still here talking to you every day. And you know why Tone, its because you're my best mate, and best mates do that. I don't know why you're my best mate. After the way you treated me there's no reason for you to be, but you are. You really are. And I'm sitting by your bed side and talking to you. And that's why, right now, I'm going to tell you some home truths. You wont like them, and you wont want to hear, and that's why I'm telling you now, because you've got to know, and I've got to get it out, but I don't think I'd be able to if you were awake, I'd chicken out just like I chicken out of everything else I attempt to do.

You're a cunt Tony, a complete and utter tosser. You really hurt Michelle and you really hurt me and even though you're out of it now you still do. Every day. She cant stand to come here and I don't blame her. I'm not really sure what makes me come back every day, but I do, without fail. Every day I'm here, sitting beside you, and half the time I cant even talk, cant get any words out. But that's over now.

You hurt us all, so much. And we always forgave you but we'd had enough. And then you had to go and get hit by a stupid bus. And now we cant hate you any more even though we want to. Even though you'd crossed that final line. You needed your head smacking in, but I didn't have the guts to do it, and then the bus came and suddenly you were in a coma, and there was nothing we could do. And it was then, I think, that I realised what I'd probably known all along. That I wouldn't have been able to do it. I could talk about hitting you, talk about causing you equal damage to what you caused us, but it doesn't do anything. I would have never been able to be the one to take that step. And I thought you deserved being hurt, but when it came down to it, now you're here, in the hospital, and we don't know if you're going to work it out, wake up again, you didn't deserve it.

I don't know Tony, I guess the truth of it is you really are my best mate, the only one I can turn to without question, at any time of the day or night. And you'll always be there for me. I don't know what I'll do if you croak it, if you don't make it through. It'll kill me Tone, if you're not there to talk to, to laugh with, to drink with. You're everything to me, the best thing that ever happened to me. And that includes Cassie, because you keep saying she's not good enough for me but I love her but you're probably right. She's not a good person inside herself, she's messed up. Aren't we all. But you're Tony, you've always been strong, always been there, never given up. And now, now you're ill and don't know if you still will be here. And I'm terrified. Because I love you to bits. You're the best mate I've ever had, you always have been my best mate, and yeah, I don't think anything could change that. Even if you come out of this and don't remember me you'll still be my best mate, I'll just have to work from scratch to make it to that point again. Because I' not giving up Tony, even if other people have, even if people don't think you're going to wake up again and are starting to go on with their lives, starting to find a life without you there, I wont. I'm not able to. I'm never going to be able to give you up, give up what you are. And if you die, even if you die, you'll still be my best mate, you'll still be t he person I turn to. Even if it means sitting by your grave and talking to you, I'll still be doing it. In the end what's really the difference between sitting by your grave and sitting by you now, its not like you can hear me either way.

But I'll tell you what the difference is, and it's the difference that's keeping me going. Its that while you're in shit state, there's still hope. There's still a chance you'll wake up, and laugh again. And we did laugh Tony, even though you were a complete and utter twat some of the time we had some good laughs. You knew what to say to make me laugh, and you were someone who I was always comfortable around. There were some really good times, Tony. All those nights out drinking, when we just forgot everything, all the bad stuff. that's what I miss about you most, the fact that the good times were there, and they were so good. There's no Sid without Tony. I see that now and I think everyone else does too. They understand that you're my world, my best friend, and seem to respect that I'm loosing you and its destroying me. Even Michelle isn't getting so much sympathy, because you were a twat to her. A complete and utter cunt. And you were a cunt to me too, but there was no-one else. Not then, not now. There will never be another Tony Stonem, even if we wanted there to be. And people see that, respect that. Respect my need for silence, and my need to sit by your bed side.

Please Tony, please get better. For me. I couldn't cope if I didn't get to say goodbye, I couldn't cope if I lost you and there was nothing I could do about it. It would kill me. And you know it would. I'd prefer to die than live without you, because you're my best mate. And I know Chris keeps saying I should just leave you alone, let you get better, not sit by you, but I'd hate it if I wasn't here when you woke up. What type of friend would I be then, when I'd sat by you for so long, and then when it really mattered I wasn't here. I only go home to sleep Tony, but I think you're aware of that in some way, you're aware that I'm here. Because the doctors say that you seem to breath easier when I'm there. When I'm here. Where I've been for the past two months. Sitting on my chair, beside your bed. Sometimes talking, sometimes reading aloud and sometimes just sitting in silence, but still here. Still with you. Waiting for you to wake up and be my best mate.

I'll always be here Tony, that's what mates are for. That's what I'm for. And. I Miss You.

So? Tell me what you think? Review? please


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